


Love, Dan.

by Numberonephanboy



Series: Love Letters [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dans POV, Funeral, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 15:05:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15974822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numberonephanboy/pseuds/Numberonephanboy
Summary: This is a after effect of the fic Love, Phil





	Love, Dan.

Simply put funerals are sad, but the death of you is not simple. I never meant for this to happen. I don't think anyone does. 

Your mum has done nothing, but cry. Your dad, your brother, Cornelia... Me. Your parents lost their son. Martyn lost his brother.. And I've lost you completely. 

I've listened to your message a million times. I've listened to all of your messages, all of them archived on my phone. 

I loved you too, but I couldn't stay. I couldn't live like that anymore. I had to get away from who I was and my old life and as much as I hated it, you were apart of that life. I knew that if I just answered the phone that's all it would take for me to come back to you. I knew it would hurt you, but I never thought it would lead to this. 

Fuck. 

How could you do this to me? To your family? I know I hurt you, I know maybe what I did was wrong, but I'm so angry at you. You took your own life and I can't fucking live with guilt. If you were here you'd tell me that it wasn't my fault, that you choose this. But you aren't here and it is my fault. 

I remember our life too. And it was good it was so damn gorgeous, but I wasn't. I was unhappy. All the fans and publicity and the pressure from it all, I couldn't do it anymore. 

The funeral is over and your family eventually left, but I'm still here. I'm sitting against you headstone, while it pours down rain.

It's fitting for the heavens to cry. The most beautiful in person in the world has died.

"Phil..." My voice is rough and strained, throat sore. "I know that I fucked this up so bad, I just want to take it back... please.." I find myself begging. "Let me take it back. I'll never stop apologizing and I'll never get it out of my head. I don't know what to do and I never meant to hurt you and I feel like shit. I want to say I'm sorry a million times, but I can't and I don't know how to let you go. Because I've never felt for anyone the way I felt for you and so I just can't stop. And I ended up hurting you over and over again and I didn't mean to and now I can't fix it. I can't change it." 

Its getting muddy and my suit is getting soggy, but I couldn't care less. I don't want to leave you, I can't.  

What is heaven like for you? I know what mine would be.

We'd drink wine together. I want to be tipsy and in love. My finger tips could ghost across your cheeks. Look at you all warm and light and full ecstasy. My love I could never get enough. Lets fall off the edge together. I can't remember what your heartbeat sounds like. I want train rides in the middle of the night. You'd fight for me and win everytime. In a place where I love you and you love I. It could be six am wrapped in the sheets, pulling you closer, because I never want to let go. You've left an imprint in my heart. Lovely, that's what you are. Absolutely lovely. I'll trail my hands through your hair and kiss your lips. You're light and airy. Let's fall asleep tangled in each other, until the sun comes up. Until you no longer love me. Until I realize it's only a dream. 

"I'm so sorry love. I wish I had never left. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it."


End file.
